Mighty Smokies

The bible was written roughly two millennia ago. It's undoubtedly a fine piece of story telling from a collection of pre-Pulitzer heavyweights but, like everything that's two thousand years old, besides water, it could use a bit of modernizing.

Thus, without further adieu, I present to you the 2014 story of David and Goliath.

In the right corner, in the off-pink shorts, weighing in at an impressive 2.8 pounds... Mmmyyyy Stomachhhh! With a record of 1,053,699 to 7 the experts at ESPN hardly gave food a chance, regardless, in walked David. With a look of smug confidence and pulling behind him a large machine complete will bells & whistles, levers & pulleys, and shoots & ladders, David looked comical at best. Weighing fractions of an ounce, David clearly stood no chance. The side bets were silent. This was a lopsided matchup, or a one-sided mismatch, depending on your vantage point. David, the Lil' Smokie in the tan shorts, struggled to lug his monstrous machine and feeble body into the ring. Pity radiated from nearby onlookers. Gostomath smirked assuredly from the far corner and oddsmakers took note. Long-shot McGoodluck, as the crowd had affectionately dubbed him, stepped coolly into the chamber of his machine. Bells tinged and whistles blew; out stepped David. He was followed by an exact duplicate of himself; and then another, and then another, and then few dozen more. The ring began fill, and then to swell. Within a matter of moments capacity had reached its maximum and the match was approaching an even kilter.

The bell rung.
The crowd roared and the favorite burst out with blind fury. Smokie after Smokie met its downfall, but still David did not fall. The battle waged on and as time ticked, the front-runner began to stumble. Inevitable victory slipped into a realm of uncertainty. Late bettors rejoiced. Time dragged on and the underdog began to look more and more like the overlord. The champ was going to fall; it was only a matter of how long he would wobble. The ding that pronounced the end of each round was merely another nail in the coffin. Goliath was making the painful descent toward horizontal. Round 12 rolled around. David's army had suffered 37 casualties but still stood strong and with one final blow, the champ made his final teeter and fell down.
The final nail.