A Tryptophan Down Memory Lane

I have been out of it for quite some time, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. You have been faithfully checking the blog, day after day, praying with all your meaty might for some juicy new content to sink your teeth into.
Well I have good news. Meaty new content is here. You are reading it right now! And if you continue reading, I will try to explain my two month absence.

It was the night of Wednesday September 25th, 2013 and my mother, bless her heart, decided to whip up a full Thanksgiving dinner. There was stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole and of course, a big ol' turkey. I could barely contain myself... and I didn't.
We settled down to dinner at 5:30 PST. With zeal, I cleaned off plate after plate of gravy soaked goodness, but around 6:45 I felt, as the laymen would say, full. I pressed on regardless. Thanksgiving only comes once a year so when you get a second chance to celebrate American gluttony, you don't mess around. I continued loading heaping helpings, excluding mashed potatoes and green bean casserole to leave more room for tender turkey and godly gravy. I finally crashed at 8:15, my eyes drooped and I was forced to throw in the napkin. By 1:30 PM the next day I was still asleep on the dining room table and my presence was beginning to interfere with my family's enjoyment of meals. My father attempted to wake me, poking and prodding me with his wrinkly fingers. I didn't budge. I was out cold turkey.
I finally came to this past Thursday. I awoke to find myself swimming in a pool of drool at the head of the table. I was out for 50 days and as doctors would later explain, I was in either a state of severe hibernation or a slight coma; but all I knew was that I was hungry.

Once I was able to slither out of the loving clutches of my worried parents, I hit the streets. Like a jungle cat I prowled, pouncing upon any morsel of meat I came across. I ate hulking french dip sandwiches, a poetic meatball and sausage sub, handfuls of jimmy dean queso dip, pigsties of pigs in a blanket, and a bounty of breakfast burritos.

My meaty loving compatriots, I'M BACK!