I hope you all had a Meaty Christmas.
I personally had a lovely time hanging ornameats on the tree with care and even sneaking a kiss or two under the meatstletoe but, sadly, that is all over now. We must return to reality. The New Year is almost upon us.
I am anxious for 2013 given that I was not planning on surviving the apocalypse, but, since the Mayan's are a bunch of dirty liars (whom I will never buy a calendar from again), I am forced to face realities.
Reality #1:
I am not getting any younger.
New Years (Re)Solution #1:
Clearly if I want to combat the chronic aging that I am afflicted by I need to eat food that is rich with youthful energy. Veal is the answer. A little known fact about veal is that it meatabolizes within the body as pure muscle, vitality and swag. Veal is the secret; veal is the fountain of youth.
Reality #2:
I am not a billionaire.
New Years (Re)Solution #2
My lack of exorbitant wealth is severely hindering my ability to do whatever I want. This is unacceptable and unfair but, once again, I have the answer. I am investing in a meatal detector. Treasure is buried everywhere but because mankind is too stupid to developed x-ray vision we simply walk right over it. Well, not me folks, not anymore, I refuse to be held back by my human inequities, I'm gonna make that bill' in 2013.
Reality #3
Pigs in a blanket are delicious.
New Years (Re)Solution #3:
Eat more pigs in a blanket.
On December 31st, at the stroke of meatnight, 2013 will begin. Make sure that you are ready.
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