The Finals Frontier: Planet Pulled Pork

It's been a long time, (long time)
I shouldn't have left you, (left you)
Without some dope meat to read to (read to)

I have had my priorities ass backwards the last couple weeks. I have been focused on inconsequential nuisances like projects, tests, and grades; and, as a consequence of my misguided actions, I have allowed my meaty responsibilities to fall by the wayside.

This will not happen again.
Consider this a meatsdemeanor on my otherwise spotless record.
Here is a picture that I took while I was away.

All right, lets get into it; lets have some pun.

With finals week glaring down on me I knew I had to do something. My energy were dangerously low, the situation clearly called for drastic meatsures to be taken. I loaded up my crock-pot with supplies from Sonnenberg's Market and embark on an intergalactic journey into uncharted flavor. The trip was smooth simmering for the first couple hours, but then, out of no where, hot link meateorites slammed into my precious pork cargo.

Thanks to some nifty maneuvering, I steadied my crocket ship and continued on towards the unknown. Many hours later, while flying past a small planet, I was suddenly drawn in by a strong meatgnetic field. I had no choice but to land. It was on this small planet that I met Promeatheus, a banished Greek demigod and former chef. Zues exiled Promeatheus for eternity because he stole Zues' legendary coleslaw recipe. Zues, ever the lover of irony, cursed Promeatheus by providing him with no other food besides the godly coleslaw. My finding this lonely distant planet was surely divine intervention. Together, my angelic pulled pork with hot links and his immortal 'slaw create a marriage of flavors that is currently nominated for Us Weekly's cutest couple of the year.

I have been on Promeatheus' planet for a couple days now and feel fully adjusted to the atmeatspheric pressure. I feel recharged, I feel ready, and I feel meativated to conquer my finals.

Good luck with your worldly responsibilities.