My dear readers, I am back but only briefly. I
write to you tonight with brevity on the brain. My succinctness is not out of a
lack of content but rather as an attempt to not horrify you to the point of
eternal meat log blog abandonment. On that note, lets begin this petrifying
synopsis.
Myself, and my iron stomach, endured the majestic
terrors of the Sasquatch Music Festival this past weekend.
We road out Friday morn with cars packed full of
humans, hot dogs, alcohol, and misguided condiments. We road with confidence
and giddy but I sensed an insecurity in the pit of my stomach. My stomach knew,
even if my ambitious brain did not yet fully acknowledge it, that this would be
a trying weekend.
With camp assembled and the sights and sounds of
Sasquatch beginning to blanketing my senses, we began our daily regiment: a
strange cocktail of beer, dogs, liquor, and of course, mustard. Hot dogs and
liquor are always a sinsational combination but when consumption is catapulted
into a fanatical multi-day parade, they begin to take on an even more depraved
disposition.
After I smeared jam on my morning hot dog, cased it
with a lunch of lil' smokies and chili, whilst balanced it all out with a
healthy dose of alcohol; I could sense that I was living in the deep dark
recesses of de-basement. Despite these nagging senses, it is hard to
ignore the pedestrianism of perversion that engulfs Sasquatch. Thus I carried
on, enjoying every second.
We left Tuesday morning with a far lighter carload,
far less receptive eardrums, and far greater respect for the tenets of healthy
living. But, before returning to the wholesome habits of daily life in the
non-music festival world, I took one last cheap shot at my tortured stomach. I
demanded and delivered a half dozen of Jack In The Box's most substandard tacos
directly to my now permanently damaged gut.
Despite long-term gastrointestinal harm and liver
malfunction, I don't regret a single bite or drink. My weekend
was LegendGary and I will surely not full recuperate till it is time to do
it all again in 12 months time.
I LOVE YOU 'SQUATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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