Halloween Meatsacre: Trick or Meat

What are we doing to our children?

A holiday where they go around and get candy from strangers’ houses?! That is just stupid. 

As the friend of many dentists, and one who cares meatly about the health of all children, I urge you to quit this ghastly practice. Instead, do the right thing. Make a healthy choice and give the children what they need. Meat.

Candy ruins teeth and leads to early onset diabetes; meat on the other hand warms the heart and improves your chances of living forever.

So this Halloween instead of giving out Twix and Reeces, bake up a platter of ground beef, kids love handfuls of ground beef.  Don't give out Whoppers; give out a Whopper. And replace your Gummy Bears, with fresh bear meat!

I’m off to bake a fresh batch of meatsicles and to finalize my Lady Gaga inspired meat-tux.

Watch out for porktergeists and the grim meater and remember, Trick-or-Meat.

Happy Halloween

The Veal Deal

The third and final presidential debate was tonight and now, more than ever, there is a lot at steak. Throughout the three debates, the candidates covered the meat of the issues, but they somehow missed one very veal problem...

Vegetarianism.

BOOM, Shit just got veal.

I am only kidding of course, vegetarianism is a healthy and socially responsible way of trying to sustain your own life, I simply prefer to lighten the flavor of my vegetables with healthy doses of animal.

Tonight I, your humble narreator, made a ground veal pasta dish that made italian grandmothers weep with joy all over the world. I have reports from students studying in Florence, that classes have been cancelled due to a river of tears which has overtaken the streets and passageways. I myself am now fluent in italian and I can't stop doing cartveals. La pasta di vitello cambiato la mia vita.

Tonight was absolutely surveal and although I now need a vealbarrow to get around, it was totally worth it.

Until next time, follow your heart, don't let anyone tell you how to veal.

The Pulled Pork Promised Land

Readers and Eaters,

First off I would like to give a shout out to Good Ol' Ken from Sodexo, the crock pot you gave me feels like a key to the long lost city of slow cooked meat (Meatlantis). 

I porked the shit out of my weekend, or rather it porked the shit out of me.

Ladies and Gentlemeat... I lost my crock pot virginity. 

It was just as I had always imagined it would be. I had succulent and saucy pork shoulder slowing marinating for almost all of saturday. The end result: three foodgasms, a large mess, and a feeling of self satisfaction that I would imagine is comparable to winning a nobel prize.

I am now off to join the crock pot cult. Come join me. Drink the Meat-aid

Goodbye my minions, I'm off to meat my maker. 

The Egger Beaver: A Prequel

Something meatgical happened today.

I have been to the promised land. They call it Egger's Meat Market (South 5613 Perry St.) and it glows with an aura of carnivorous bliss. It is like a beautiful meat sun, because if you stare at it for too long you will go blind, but what a way to go blind it would be... 

I made my purchase decision and left just before I slipped into an ocular induced pleasure coma. I made away with a pound of ground veal, uno lb of pork shoulder and four cheddar and jalapeño injected sausages. 

Next stop for the meat train is at pulled pork station. At which time your conductor will have a few short words for you.

Until then, keep your hands and meat inside the vehicle and enjoy the ride. 

The Idaho Meat Sweats

I went into a dark place tonight.

Tonight, post soccer game, myself and the rest of the Gonzaga Men's Club Soccer Team went to Porky G's in Coeur D'alene (1527 Northwest Boulevard). Needless to say the situation got meaty, fast. I rushed to the front of the line and ordered a pulled pork sandwich with a with a hot link mercilessly jammed into the middle. I turned the sauce faucet to full blast and adjusted the mustard to the ideal level. I then proceeded to get messy. As I dove into the sides (hearty au gratin spuds and creamy mac) the meal took a grim transition. My heart rate slowed, my peripheral vision blurred, and the area underneath my ribcage gave me the impression it was either proud or disappointed in me. It was hard to tell. I was definitely overmeating. The meat sweats overcame me like a tidal wave on a small costal island. Total mayhem, absolute destruction. The darkness closed in around me...

but, I made it out, composed this post and and am still the undefeated king of meat.

Goodnight meatstrers 

Dog is Good: Praise be to Hot Dog

Ahoy Meateys!

Welcome back, I assume that you found the first course appetizing and fancied yourself a second helping. Well, here goes nothing.


There may be nothing better than a good Wiener. (Yeah, I hear it, and I don't care)

Hot dogs share a special place in my heart and in my stomach. Hot dogs are the versatile all star of my culinary world, they are the five tool player of the handheld food world. You can put anything on a dog and it will be delightful. You can prepare a dog in anyway and it will be delightful. You can put any meat into a dog and it will be delightful. The end result is always scrumptious. So I recommend hunting down an 8 pack, grab as many condimeats as you can out of your fridge, and board a one way train to a doggone good time. I haven't eaten a dog for a day or two but whenever I do go back to the dogs, I am sure it will be a meating to remember.


I would like to end this post with meatment of silence to honor all of the amazing hot dogs I have eaten and for all dogs I hope to eat in the future.


Until we meat again...